Finding a Therapist Is a Lot Like Dating

Thinking about starting therapy is a huge step towards taking control of your mental health. However, finding the right therapist can feel like an overwhelming and daunting process of scrolling through websites, asking for recommendations, and sending emails or making calls that receive no response. Here is a secret, change your mindset when finding a therapist.

Finding a therapist is like dating. Both require you to be vulnerable, open up, look for compatibility, and trust your gut instinct as to if this a good match. The process can be frustrating and feel never ending, but once you find the right therapist, the frustration will be worth it. Here are some areas to keep in mind when finding your perfect therapist match.

First Impressions Do Matter, But There’s More To The Story

As with many things in life, first impressions do matter, but it is only a piece of a person’s entire personality. Remember the last time you went on a first date? How did the other person greet you? Were they actively engaged and excited to learn more about you? Did you feel comfortable being around them?

Now apply these same questions to your first therapy session. Pay attention to how the therapist speaks to you and how it makes you feel. Do you feel safe? Do you feel like they are interested? Look around their office. Is it calming or cluttered? What does your gut tell you after your session?

Remember, a few nerves from both sides are normal and it may take more than one session to truly determine if you two are a good fit. The process requires mutual agreement and understanding so take a few sessions to make a final decision.

Credentials Are Important But So Is Chemistry

Like with dating, someone can match every requirement you are looking for, but if there is not a natural chemistry, the relationship will not work out. When researching potential therapists, it is important to find someone with the right credentials and specializations for the concerns you need assistance with. However, even having the best educational experience on paper does not matter if you do not “click” with your potential therapist. Therapy is more than credentials and skills. It requires a bond and sense of connection between you and your therapist. Creating this bond is essential to a positive outcome that lasts.

It Is Okay (And Encouraged) To “Date Around”

While finding the right therapist on your first try is ideal, this rarely happens. Just like dating, it takes a bit of trial and error before landing on “The One.”

Every therapist has a different approach to their sessions. Some may have a more clinical and straightforward approach while another may be more talkative. You may meet one that is the perfect match on paper but when officially meeting, it is not the right fit. If after a few of these sessions you still have not found the right fit, it does not mean that therapy is not right for you. Do not give up! Remember, most do not marry the first person they ever date and the same goes for finding a therapist. It is completely normal to meet with multiple therapists until you finally find the right person to help you.

Remember, It Takes Time To Open Up

Most people do not open up immediately to the other person on the first date. Usually, it takes a few dates and a lot of small talk to feel comfortable enough to open up fully. Opening up and exposing your life story takes time, not only in dating but also with your therapists. Most therapists understand that building this trust takes time and only grows with consistent sessions.

Do not feel ashamed if you feel like it is taking too long to open up fully. Take everything at your own pace and gently “test the waters” to see how your therapist reacts. Are they listening and helping without judgment? Do they make you feel understood, or do you feel judged? If you feel supported and heard, then you can feel more confident that you have found the right match for you. However, if you feel uneasy and misheard, then trying another therapist is okay to do at ANY time.

Be Aware Of The Red Flags

When dating, we are always on the lookout for red flags. Whether this is a lack of respect, being self-centered, or putting others down, these behaviors can give us the “ick.” Finding a therapist can also present its own red flags to look out for. Some include:

• A therapist who is distracted.

• Advice that feels dismissive instead of supportive.

• Therapists who are overbooked and frequently cancel or reschedule appointments.

• Instead of feeling inspired and proactive after a session, you feel down and worse about yourself.

Know your deal-breakers and non-negotiables. Just like dating, it is ok to walk away from a situation if it feels off and is not helpful to you. Everyone deserves a therapist who creates an environment where you can feel safe and supported.

Navigating The Search

Searching for a therapist can feel like an endless sea of dating apps, but there are a few ways to help you navigate the search:

• Use a directory: Online resources such as the Psychology Today website, your insurance company’s portal, H4M Connect, or our list of National and Online Mental Health Resources is a great place to start. These sites can help you filter by price, specialization, and current availability.

• Take advantage of free consultations: Many therapists will offer a 15 to 30 minute short session (either in person, online, or by phone) to help you both determine if you may be a good fit. These consultations are under no obligation to move forward so it is the ultimate “first date.”

• Determine your non-negotiables: Know what your non-negotiables are and what you require a therapist to have. Whether it is someone who specializes in trauma or someone who is closely linked to your cultural background, it is important to have areas which you will not compromise on.

• Honesty is the best policy: “Ghosting” may be the easier thing to do but being honest and upfront with a therapist is more important. Therapists understand that not every potential client is going to be the right fit, so by being upfront and say, “This is not the right fit for me. I wish you the best,” is better than flat out ignoring them.

When you find a therapist that you are compatible with, everything will begin to fall into place. You will feel safe opening up about your struggles and trust them to help you. This relationship can help you start the journey towards healing, growth, and transformation. Much like dating, finding the right therapist can be a process that can be frustrating but once you find the right one, it is a true relationship that will change your outlook and life.

If you are interested in learning more about Hearts 4 Minds, reach out to us today! You can support us in furthering our mission by exploring volunteer opportunities, wearing our merchandise, and donating to Hearts 4 Minds.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, Text LIFE to 741741. Trained therapists are available 24/7 to assist. You are not alone!